European Bachelor Kitchen - It's Schnitzel time!

 The famous Schnitzel

Yes. Schnitzel is a staple of Austrian cuisine. Yes, we actually eat it quite a lot. And yes, it's fatty and protein-rich and probably not very good for your cholesterol, but we also walk a lot. I mean, a LOT. So there's that, I guess.

This is not a Schnitzel. This is an abomination.

 There's not much to say about a real Schnitzel, honestly. Austrians are puritans when it comes to their traditional cuisine, which means: No fancy stuff. The less ingredients, the better, and nothing to scare your pretty little eye away from that awesome, battered piece of bread-crumbed goodness. Which is why I added that foto up there. That's some sadistic stuff going on there, with all that sauce and salad, not cool!
A true Schnitzel is able to hold its own, all by its little lonesome. There are some high-end restaurants who actually try to make Schnitzel some kind of fancy dish, but neither does it stick, nor do most people like it. If you can't make your flat piece of meat set hearts on fire by itself, please don't try to hide that sad fact behind lettuce.

.. or potatoes.

Also, Schnitzel has its own fast-food-chain in Austria, called "Schnitzelhaus". It's so popular, it already has loads of competition, the "Schnitzlplatzl" for example. They do try to fancy up the Schnitzel with a few varieties, such as the Hawaiian Schnitzel or the turkey or pork variety, but for most of the time, the Austrians stick to their classic veal.
It's important to know how something is supposed to taste before you go off the rails and dip it in gravy or sauce hollandaise, or some other horror, so here you go: I give you the generic, Austrian Schnitzel recipe!

Come here, my pretty little angel!

What you need

•  Slabs of veal, cut half as thick as a finger (about)
• All-purpose flour
• Milk
• Eggs
• Breadcrumbs (fine ones are better)
• Salt
• A fryer (ideal) or a deep pan and lots of lard/frying oil 
• A meat mallet!

 

And here's how it's done!

It's rather easy, honestly. As you noticed, I didn't add any quantities to the ingredients, because for the life of me, I couldn't tell you how much I actually need. I simply take three soup plates and work my way through, adding stuff whenever I run low. But let's start from the beginning!
It all starts with the slabs of veal and the meat mallet. Combine the two in a pounding manner until the veal is flattened like an opossum on the highway, on both sides. I usually work my way through all of the meat, stack the pieces I pounded, and then go on to the crumbing part. I honestly don't know how to use a fryer, so if you've got one of those, make sure it's warming up at this point, because as soon as those babies have met the bread crumbs, they should meet their heated maker.
But! Back to the crust. As I said, you need three soup plates or some other containers big enough to drag your pounded pieces of veal through.
The flour goes into the first plate, just enough to fill it to half.
A good swig of milk and two eggs go into the second platter and get scrambled to a thick goo. As long as it's good and yellow/orange, don't worry too much, just mix it well.
The breadcrumbs go into the third plate, a little more than the flour but not too much, or you'll dirty your kitchen.

With this done, your frying station should be up and running on two thirds of heat - not too hot, not too cold.

Each pounded slab of veal needs a sprinkle of salt and pepper on each side. Rub it in and then proceed to move the veal through the three plates, covering them each first in flour, then in egg/milk, then in breadcrumbs. Make sure to be diligent here, no empty spots, no sticky edges!
Into the fryer for about five to seven minutes, with the frying pan version you'll need to carefully shake it here and there, so the fat can slosh over the edges and fluff up the crust. Also: Using a pan means you'll have to do both sides for about five minutes!

Aaand that's it. Out of the fryer, maybe dab it a little with kitchen paper to get off the excess of fat, and onto the plate. We usually eat it with a pinch of lime drizzled over the crust, fries on the side and maybe a potato salad, but it tastes rather good with ketchup or mayonnaise too.

Why this is a bachelor dish

Well, to be honest, it isn't. And it is, because look at the ingredients! I usually have all of those at home, because they are staples in many, many Austrian dishes, which means: If I want to treat myself to a Schnitzel, I just have to buy the veal, and off I go. As a bonus, cooking Schnitzel will always, ALWAYS put you in the good graces of your guests! If they're not vegetarian, I guess, hm.

Anyhow! That's it for the Schnitzel!

Love,
Hannah